Melting
by Morbane
Summary: The anecdote of a Vaporeon at the end of her life. What happens to those who don't always win. Wistful. Edited a little.


Melting, a Pokémon Fanfic

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by Morbane

When I was an Eevee, I used to have a fantasy about melting, disappearing into a cobweb, or a ray of sunlight, and the universe closing up behind me like a scar, so that it would seem as if I'd never been in this world. No one would remember that I had existed, and everything that I had made worse simply by existing would be healed. 

I thought about this often, especially when I was the slowest Eevee, and the least liked. So a trainer caught me when we all tried to run away. He wasn't happy, and declared it often, that he had caught the worst of the Eevee herd. 

I didn't let myself hear him. I told myself it was a privilege to be trained, that I was going to become strong and come home and show all the others, and I didn't see the warning signs until he deserted me in a forest. 

I went looking for him and found another trainer, a girl, who snapped me up and then got her Pokedex checked because she couldn't believe what it said about my power levels. She traded me for a Geodude and was happy with the trade. 

I liked my next trainer; for the simple reason that he or she (I never knew) left me in storage. Storage was similar to sleep, except that you were more conscious of your surroundings and self. It was like dreaming, or melting. I pretended that I had been forgotten. 

(Although I had entered a different world, that of trainers and training, I kept the same fantasy. There is a limit to how much you can change, without completely changing your own nature.) 

Then the mysterious trainer traded me to the best trainer in the world. He offered me the choice of three evolution stones, and, still fantasising, I chose to become Vaporeon. 

My new trainer taught me attacks and how to battle. He used just me, battling all by myself, to gain a token called the Earth Badge, and I was so, so, happy.

Then he was attacked by Team Rocket and they fainted me. 

Before Team Rocket's experiments had done anything worse than blur my vision, and give me periodic headaches, I was rescued by a trainer called Shiketi who wanted me as a beginning Pokémon. 

I spent a very long time with him. He trained another Vaporeon, who showed me how to melt into water, which became my favourite activity. There is a trick to it. You must remain conscious of every part of you, crest, web, flippers, eyes... First you learn to hold that awareness together and then it becomes your background thought as you seek into the water. The water currents become your foremost thought. Slowly you are drifting... But I was never completely happy with this exercise, because you never fully melt into your subconscious, or the water. You become part of the water, but you are still yourself. 

I learned to melt into the water as I unconsciously melted into the training life. It is one thing said about Eevee's evolutions: that we adapt. That we are the best at changing our behaviour, personality, and goals, to fit a situation. And yet…

Every time a trainer abandoned me, I looked for a new one. They also say it's very hard to break a cycle. Yes, Shiketi too eventually gave me away, to his little brother, when Shiketi failed to make it into the Indigo Tournament. I tried to absorb Shiketi's brother's young hopes and be inspired by them. 

But, as I was in the water, I was never really content being trained. It is hard to be, if you are not a winner. 

For a long time, on and off, I thought about going home. Then I realised that it would not be home anymore, because all the Eevees would have grown up, probably evolving into Umbreons and Espeons. 

Then I realised that I didn't know where home was any more. 

I lost all my hope then, and realised I had never had much of it. The rate at which I was passed from trainer to trainer increased; I spent only a month with one trainer, and two weeks with the next. 

So many trainers have had me in their Pokeballs since, that I lost count. I don't think it matters. Yes, I am rare. Yes, I am beautiful. No, I will never win any battles. 

I don't think that matters either. 

So finally, here I am, released, eventually not because of mediocrity, but because of age. I am too old to battle now. And I realise that battles never mattered, battles were not the point. 

The main point now is doing what a Vaporeon does best. Melting. Becoming one with the water. 

I have been walking all day and finally I have found a puddle. Small, but it will do. For a while, walking along the hot gray road (I still cannot break the trainer cycle!) I thought it was a mirage; I am relieved to see that the puddle is wet. 

Slowly, I immerse myself, and begin to clear my mind. This is important, part of the trick. A Vaporeon learns to meditate, to become very still. 

I am not really using the trick today; I erase my background thoughts. Slowly I melt, all the way, with only awareness of the water. Melting fully, as I wished from Eeveehood to this dotage. 

Soon, there will only be a puddle, glinting of yesterday's rain, on the hot road. Then, it will e_vapor_ate. And it will be as if I never existed. 


End file.
